I know it is my livelihood. But it is eating into my soul and body like a parasite. I can't bear the ugly bitterness from my father and mother every day, from the rude behavior of customers, the way of talking of customers and more than that the overall negativity. I have tried every positive way with each and every one but still the world is not responding to my positivity and kindness. They are still mocking me and ridiculing me in every possible manner and that too in front of and with my father. Yes, you read it right. My father is totally happy in mocking and ridiculing me in front of everyone. And believe me, when I started in the business, I, too, found faults in my behavior and started correcting my behavior accordingly. And I tried every possible way to be positive in every situation but the situation got the worse of me. Even if I did handle some situations brilliantly (pat on the back), there were some situations which shattered me from the inside. That's why, I cannot break my soul and my spirit into more pieces. Enough is enough. I am going to fire the ultimate Bramhastra inside my soul to be the utmost positive soul during my work.
This resort I had already taken in the year 2016 when I lost my job. That was regarding the money. On the day of 31st March, 2016, I decided to never measure my happiness and success and freedom in terms of money. I will never cry or be depressed about money. Money doesn't matter to me. Bcoz money never mattered me.
Now, in this Brahmastra, I took the vow to never care about my shop.
Now, there is a thing called respect. When I took the vow to never care about money, it doesn't mean that I will start disrespecting money or abuse it in some way. I will always respect it and I will never stop working or run from hard work. Instead, I will never think about negative things related to money like feeling inferior from people who have more money than me or something like if I get less earning from my work then crying about it or if I get rich then I will start insulting people or if I don't have money then I will live always in despair and sadness etc. etc.There are infinite things related to money which can make a person go mad. So I made myself free from all those things.
Similarly, when I say that I don't care about my shop, then I am not going to disrespect it or I am gonna stop working. I will work equally hard and with utmost respect in my shop. But these are things that I will stop caring about:-
1. Avoid every bit and talk related to shop from any person whether its my mother, father, brother or any friend or relative.
2. Do not care for open time and closing time of shop.
3. Do not care for which customer is coming or going. Let my father handle everybody.
4. Do not care for problems related to payments from the customers.
5. Do not care for my father's ramblings about me, making me feel like I am some kind of burden on him or inferior or useless or worthless in the shop.
I am done with all these things. I am just done really.
I do not have the power in me to justify myself to everyone on daily basis.
But nevertheless, I will still work hard honestly, with patience and without any grudges towards my father and the shop. I will never disrespect the spirit of my workplace. I will just sit silent, observe everything, listen to the scolds from everybody silently, listen to the appreciation silently (although it hasn't happened yet). No reaction from me, no distractions from my side. To be utmost positive in life, a person just has to focus upon himself and you will see that everything will fall in line by itself.
I will try to achieve the Buddha spirit within myself.
