Achieving Buddha Spirit

I know it is my livelihood. But it is eating into my soul and body like a parasite. I can't bear the ugly bitterness from my father and mother every day, from the rude behavior of customers, the way of talking of customers and more than that the overall negativity. I have tried every positive way with each and every one but still the world is not responding to my positivity and kindness. They are still mocking me and ridiculing me in every possible manner and that too in front of and with my father. Yes, you read it right. My father is totally happy in mocking and ridiculing me in front of everyone. And believe me, when I started in the business, I, too, found faults in my behavior and started correcting my behavior accordingly. And I tried every possible way to be positive in every situation but the situation got the worse of me. Even if I did handle some situations brilliantly (pat on the back), there were some situations which shattered me from the inside. That's why, I cannot break my soul and my spirit into more pieces. Enough is enough. I am going to fire the ultimate Bramhastra inside my soul to be the utmost positive soul during my work. 

This resort I had already taken in the year 2016 when I lost my job. That was regarding the money. On the day of 31st March, 2016, I decided to never measure my happiness and success and freedom in terms of money. I will never cry or be depressed about money. Money doesn't matter to me. Bcoz money never mattered me. 

Now, in this Brahmastra, I took the vow to never care about my shop.

Now, there is a thing called respect. When I took the vow to never care about money, it doesn't mean that I will start disrespecting money or abuse it in some way. I will always respect it and I will never stop working or run from hard work. Instead, I will never think about negative things related to money  like feeling inferior from people who have more money than me or something like if I get less earning from my work then crying about it or if I get rich then I will start insulting people or if I don't have money then I will live always in despair and sadness etc. etc.There are infinite things related to money which can make a person go mad. So I made myself free from all those things.

Similarly, when I say that I don't care about my shop, then I am not going to disrespect it or I am gonna stop working. I will work equally hard and with utmost respect in my shop. But these are things that I will stop caring about:-

1. Avoid every bit and talk related to shop from any person whether its my mother, father, brother or any friend or relative.

2. Do not care for open time and closing time of shop.

3. Do not care for which customer is coming or going. Let my father handle everybody.

4. Do not care for problems related to payments from the customers.

5. Do not care for my father's ramblings about me, making me feel like I am some kind of burden on him or inferior or useless or worthless in the shop.

I am done with all these things. I am just done really. 

I do not have the power in me to justify myself to everyone on daily basis.

But nevertheless, I will still work hard honestly, with patience and without any grudges towards my father and the shop. I will never disrespect the spirit of my workplace. I will just sit silent, observe everything, listen to the scolds from everybody silently, listen to the appreciation silently (although it hasn't happened yet). No reaction from me, no distractions from my side. To be utmost positive in life, a person just has to focus upon himself and you will see that everything will fall in line by itself.

I will try to achieve the Buddha spirit within myself.

 

A Unique Perspective

 I am not a good person. I am not ambitious. I am satisfied by minimum amount of things. I do not have an appetite for monetary growth. However, I do believe in spiritual growth. Small amounts of happiness in small things are sufficient for me. I do not feel the need to prove myself to the world. In other words or we can say the meaning of this in modern times is that I am lazy, I do not want to take responsibility, I do not want to grow in life. I am not going to justify my nature to society or anybody. This is how I am.

But yes I am also not going to be a hindrance in your growth whatsoever it is.

I was even ready to marry a girl who was unable to speak and hear. Because those things doesn't matter to me. All that mattered to me is the good nature of a person. 

Why do I feel like that whatever I have written above is negative in some way?? Am I really a bad, lazy and irresponsible person or living in this competitive society has made me think about myself like this?

I have nothing against anyone. I am happy by myself all the time. Then why does it feel negative to me all the time? Is it because I am being constantly judged by the society for behaving in this peculiar way? Or is it because the society feels threatened by my peculiar behavior? But, I am just a normal person who has no effect or influence on other person's life whatsoever. Why does society want me to behave in a particular way? Is it because it suits their ego or meet their definition of living a life?? It might also be because some people might see some potential in me to do something good with my life. What does doing something good with life means? Maybe, lots of money? Lots of fame? Or maybe doing something good for the society? or maybe being inspiration for others? 

Money and fame does not interest me. But the other 2 points answers itself. When a person lives a normal life, means they are focused on doing their work honestly, they are doing good for the society and they are being inspiration to others. 

Doing good for society does not mean that you have to feed the poor, do charity or some social work etc. In my opinion living an honest life and just being good to others, in itself, benefits the society. It also inspire others around you to live such an honest life.

So, at last, I see no point in doubting myself and feel negative about my unique behavior. In fact, after contemplating and writing openly about my thoughts, it has cleared the clouds of my mind. 

Facebook Anonymous

Hi!! I am a Facebook addict. I've been sober for the past 7 years and counting. I don't know from where should I start but I still remember joining FB during my 1st year of M.Tech in Dec. 2010 and that too bçoz my frnds forced me to join. The happiness of leaving orkut in the same year i.e. Feb, 2010 didn't lasted long. After leaving orkut, I realised that I have a lot of free time(Hehehe!! Everybody had this free time before joining orkut but nobody realised it). I still remember refreshing my orkut page every 15sec to see whether anybody has posted any "scrap", changing themes 10 times during the day, meaningless chatting with frnds(actually it was fun), searching for old friends in orkut(facebook can never compete with the search capability of orkut), posting scraps and last but not the least, writing testimonials for frnds(so that I could also get a good testimonial from my frnds :P).

But Facebook changed everything. From my natural behavior to my lifestyle, FB affected everything. On the 1st day of joining FB, I added 100 frnds and then like Arithmetic Progression, I had 300 frnds in 3 days. Ohh!! What a feeling it was, seeing everybody's profiles just to see what is everybody doing in their life(whether they are doing better than me or not). And then the process started of :
- writing useless statuses(watching like a hawk every second that how many likes and comments have came) and thinking "abey koi to like kardo, itna achha status likha hai". After some likes, u'll start feeling good(Why, bcoz your existence has been recognized by certain number of people on earth). Now the greed increases, "abey koi to comment kardo, itna achha status likha hai". After some positive comments, u'll again feel good about yourself. If any negative comments are there, then its like "saale negative likhta hai, tujhe abhi unfriend karta hun, tere no. of friends ka count kam karta hun, hehehehe!!!". Achha!! one thing you also must have noticed, the 1st status of the day will get many likes and comments and the likes and comments on subsequent statuses decreases in Geometric Progression(abey dhakkan!!! to pure din kya mere hi status ko like, comment karte rahenge kya). Example of one of my status:
"Brushing my teeth" and the comments were:
1. to karle manjan, hume kyun bata rha hai!!
my reply: tu bhi jaake karle, kutte!!
2. saale rehne de, tu daatun se saaf karta hai apne daant, sabko pta hai.
my reply: tu jaise bada vicco se brush karta hai, kaminey!!
3. koi fayda nai, daant to tere peele hi rehne hai.
my reply: tu mil saale, tere daant laal karta hun aaj!!!
And one thing I noticed when girls posted these kind of status, the likes and comments are exponential. Comments are:
1. aww!!
2. aww!!
3. aww!!
4. nice yaar!! kaunsa toothpaste use kar rhi hai??


- sharing photos. Now there are 2 types of photos I use to share. 1st, my own photos(which should be shared privately) and 2nd the photos having jokes or some useful information (which can be shared publicly). Same process starts with the photos "abey koi to like or comment kardo, itni achhi photo daali hai". Now, the trend became that anywhere I go, I had to have my photos posted on FB. So I posted a photo of me travelling in a bus and the comments were:
1. kahan marne ja rha hai kutte!!!
my reply: teri baarat mein naachne ja rha hun, kaminey!!
2. saale bus chal bhi pa rhi hai mote tere vajan ke kaaran.
my reply: tu aake dhakka laga de harami!!!
ek frnd ne to hadd hi kar di
3. arey yeh saala terrorist hai. iska bag check karwao. AK-47 or bombs milenge.
my reply: saale tu mil!! tere sar pe bomb fodunga.
And if a girl shares her photo when travelling in a bus then comments are:
1. aww!!
2. aww!!
3. aww!!
4. kahin ja rhi hai kya tu??

- liking the posts(I like the posts of others so that others would like my post).

- writing comments on each and every post(such a time waste)

- sharing videos. OMG!!! Just don't let me start on the videos. I still remember those videos. Laughing babies videos, crying babies videos, cat videos, prank videos, dance videos, sports videos, short films videos, ads videos, movie trailer videos etc. The most popularly shared were awkward videos like a man falling from cycle after getting hit by a motorcycle, a reporter live on news saying something abusive or something wrong, IPL fans talking on phone saying gaali to other person etc.

I also joined many pages. Those pages has all kind of funny photos and videos. The names of the pages were also very funny like "Bhukh lagi hai yaar", "ghanta 2 minute mein maggi banti hai", "2 din se kch nai khaya hai yaar" etc. etc. I like those joke photos of herp, derp, herpina, derpina. And the photos in which movie scenes or cricket scenes were being clubbed together having weird and awkward reactions of actors with their own funny dialogues. And last but not the least the gags of "guddu and gang".

So, I used to share most of the posts. I used to share 25 posts in just 5 mins time. And my memory and eyes were so much in sync that I could browse and scroll through the videos and photos so fast to find out that whether I have shared them earlier or not. This was affecting my studies very much bcoz instead of remembering C syntax, java libraries, TCP/IP model, operating system concepts etc. etc., I was remembering which post I had shared earlier and how many likes have came on it and how many comments are posted on it. Once my posts were posted on FB, people were unable to see other people's posts. So, the people around me were divided into 2 groups. Those who liked my posts and those who did not. So, the people who were not happy, I started putting them in the category in facebook settings "Dont show my posts to these people". Night and day, I used to do facebook. I was not concentrating on my studies. I stopped meeting with my frnds. Every communication was just online chatting or through FB posts. I was abusing my FB account and irritating many of my frnds, seniors and juniors in college. I was being scolded for doing FB the whole day. My life was just in front of my laptop, every emotion whether anger, sadness, happiness, jealousy, crying, laughing etc. started coming from the statuses, likes, comments, photos and videos posted on FB. Now, I don't need any physical communication with people to feel all the emotions which makes us human. I was living in a virtual world.

But then one day, by mistake, I clicked on a virus link and it started sending spam messages to my frnds on FB. So, people started abusing me openly and socially on FB. I was shocked after seeing my frnds reactions. Bcoz these were the same frnds who enjoyed and liked my posts and I thought that they liked me also. But, No!!. It was an enlightenment for me. The virtual world is same as real world. People will like you till you are making them happy. But, if you cause them any harm in an unintentional way and even if you apologize to them, they'll not listen to you and make you the culprit.(This doesn't include all of my FB friends).
So, that's when I decided to quit facebook and now I'm sober for the past 7 years.

 

A Search for God

When I searched for GOD in books

I found knowledge and not HIM

When I searched for GOD in temples

I found HIS image and not HIM

When I searched for GOD in nature

I found HIS powers and not HIM

When I searched for GOD in living

I found HIS blessings and not HIM

When I searched for GOD in my heart

I found HE was smiling at me

When I searched for GOD I found that

HE is being followed and not understood

Meeting wid director

my meeting with the director

me: can i come in sir?

d: yes, come in!

me: gud evng sir!

d: gud evng!

me: sir, i want to talk on some of the issues that we r facing in the college!

d: yeah, sure (as if i'm going to listen to them!!!!!)

me: sir, 1st of all i have some issues about the hostel!

dir: yeah, go on (why shud i care, as long as i'm living comfortably in my penthouse)

me: sir, there r bedbugs in my bed.

d: ohh! its very bad.. have u contacted warden?

me: yes, sir n he said he can't do anything about that (the moment i have entered this college i'm getting the same answer from every staff) (even for devsquare)

d: hmm! (if he can't do anything then wht cud i do in this case!!!). you shud register the complaint n then we'll see. if nothing happens then come to see me
       (i'm going to tell my P.A. to not let this student enter my cabin)

me: also sir i wud like to request u to increase the download limit (make it unlimited, in fact)

d: wht r u going to do wid the increased download limit (i'm still figuring wht i shud do with my unlimited download facility????)

me: sir, we r mtech students! there's so much to do? students here r so intelligent (except me)....they have their own ideas to make something useful out internet
      i mean its computer branch. u can design and can learn so many things online from net and also for various implementations that cud only be done thru net.
    (arey sir aap karo to sahi unlimited, fir btate hai wht we can do)

d: ok we'll see to that....(hahaha, i have got their net fees of this sem)

me: (fir taal diya)  

me: and sir most of all the food that the caterer is serving (my stomach is still not working properly) 
   
d: yeah, next month ria caterers r coming, so don't worry (i'd rather eat in the mess than my home) (he doesn't know yet that ria is worst than this one)
    (this caterer was increasing its money so it was totally my idea to change the caterer and it got successful)

me: sounds(loud fart)!!!!!!!

d: wht was that????????

me: nthng sir! my phone is on vibration (he doesn't listen to me so i'd rather pollute his room as my revenge)

me: and sir wht abt mosquitoes???/( i was 80kgs when i entered this college, now i'm 70kgs) (no difference b/w mosquitoes n professors)

d: yeah, i'll talk to murugan abt this. it'll get sprayed this evng

me: (hain!!!!! i was thinking that murugan sits in the data centre blocking the ids of innocent people)

me: and last question sir, when the rooms r going to be washed and cleaned (its like since 2000 nobody from the college has visited the hostel)

d: yeah, we'll do it ASAP...(hahaha, i've got their hostel fees)

me: thank you sir for giving ur valuable time (sir i want ur apple interface on my b'day)

d: (yeah, like its goin' to happen) thank you.....
   

Class of shakeel

Class of Shakeel

C Class
everybody's entering the classroom

as bhargava sees me approaching for my seat he thinks: n here comes the idiot!!! how come i always get an idiot person sitting besides me?????

i sat on my seat

Shakeel enters the classroom
Everybody's mind is thinking "i know C, i'm the master of C"

As the class starts

neha supekar enters the classroom

me: aaj yeh fir late aayi hai (today also she has arrived late in the classroom)

after 1/2 hr
Everybody(except me): (yeah, i must've read it somewhere)

after 1 hr
Everybody(except me): (i don't know, i don't know, i don't know..........)

shakeel sir: who calls main()?

neha supekar: who calls main()!!!!!! wht is he asking????

me: ek to late aati hai, upar se puchti hai "wht is he asking"(she always comes late and then also she asks"wht is he asking")

meera and bhargava starts discussing
both agreed on exe calls main()

deepak(one hand up): sir, sir, sir SIR sir sir sir
after so many callings
shakeel: yes
deepak: sir exe calls main
shakeel: in a way u r rite
deepak: in a very confident way seeing each n everybody(yeah, i'm the master. don't mess wid me)

shakeel: i'm not goin' to give u cat n dog examples, we r goin' to do reeeeeeeeeeeal world applications.

work-ex guys: yeah, we know all abt that, that's why we r here in IIIT-B.

shakeel: today we r goin' to understand the concept of threading..i'll show u. let's do it..

deepak: i know everything abt it.

me(yawning): howcome the girl sitting diaganolly to me is always fresh n alert???? she makes perfect notes. she must be really intelligent.
diagonal girl: why is this guy always staring at me????
me: she must be thinking that i'm always staring at her!!! But i'm always looking at the smart board!!!!

meera doing programming on her laptop in Borland C++
me: hain!!! everybody is doing in visual studio and she is doing programming in Borland
as i continued to see her programming
me: are baapre!!! she is good in C!!! Howcome i always get intelligent persons sitting besides me???? isse acchha to meri seat vikas ke saath honi chahiye thi(it was better to have my seat near vikas)

hrishikesh asks question: sir, wht if secondary thread calls any other secondary thread??

deepak starts explaining the answer to everybody around him and nobody is listening to him..

shakeel: n why do u want to do that??? don't do it...

hrishikesh: i knew it!! i knew that the instant i'm going to ask him a question, he is going to say"don't do it"

gaurav: sir, array is not a pointer na??

shakeel: Nooooo, Nooo, Noooo, Noo. No, No, No..array itself points to the base address so it is a pointer.

gaurav: acchha sir, how cud i pass an array to a pointer........n the question is goin' on and on and on

shakeel's mind: !@#$%%^&&*@@@@@#$%%10100001001001{}^&:">?<>$%^&&##@@@! wht is he asking???yeh sab to maine ComputerBasedTestApplication mein karwa diya tha

shreya barsaiyan(asking in a slow motion): sir.....wht if.......primary.........thread.....itself........gets.......killed......and secondary.......processes......r not yet...........completed????

deepak again in motion n everybody staring at him...

neha supekar: still not in a mood to study.......

diagonal girl: taking notes

the person in the cabin seeing thru camera: why is roll no. 84 always yawning and sleeping???i shud mark him absent

shakeel: it'll not happen!!!!

shreya: howcome he so easily get rid of the question

shakeel: actually she is rite!!! it may happen. so wht do u do in that case???

deepak again one hand up and tries to answer.. and the class gets over

me: aaj fir kuch samajh mein nhi aaya...fir puri raat jaagna padega(today also i din't understand anything, my whole night is ruined again)

after end of tha class RAM runs towards towards the person in tha cabin to get the slides in hs pendrive..

JAVA class

me entering the class

bhargava: howcome i always get an idiot person sitting besides me??

meera: why this guy doesn't talk to anybody

saurabh: hi saarika!!(bas isse aage main kuch baat nhi kar paunga kabhi bhi)

saarika: hi saurabh!!(nothing in mind)

me(taking my seat): hain!!! aaj neha supekar jaldi aa gyi(hain!!!today neha supekar has came earlier)

shakeel(after explaining java class libararies): so wht is java??? many people say java is a language n i say how is java a lang.???
actually they r rite!!!

neha bhatia: laughing and laughing and laughing (after everybody has stopped laughing)

tushar, dheryata, y sundeep, joseph(thinking): we r SAC members...hahaha

soujanya (thinking): ISRO, ISRO, ISRO, ISRO, ISRO, ISRO...I have a doubt.i'm not goin to ask..ISRO, ISRO, ISRO.....

Srinvas: one side ISRO and one side scholar, in between i'm defaulter...

me: yaar, howcome bhargava doesn't get scholarship...he is so intelligent!!!

shreya barsaiyan: acchha hua!!Bhargava doesn't deserve scholarship......

hrishikesh: sir, wht if we assign static to x and y??

shakeel: (arey yaar!!!)no questions from now on will be entertained on static..

the girl sitting besides deepak: hey, deepak u don't have any doubts????

deepak: no, he is teaching alrite..

girl besides deepak(thinking): hmm, as if u kow java??? i get it he only knows C....

(neha supekar sleeping) shakeel: those who r sleeping shud go n wash their face.

(neha supekar awakes like somebody has slapped her)

(me also getting awake slowly-slowly)

garima jain: freshers, freshers, freshers, freshers, dance, dance, dance, dance

nagarajan(thinking): my questions r d best in d class!!!wht shud i ask today?

vikas(thinking): one side vinaya siemens and other side vibhor scholar???why does it always happen wid me???

me: diagonal girl is taking perfect notes..she is really intelligent.

shakeel: u'll get assignments n from next class i'm goin to ask questions individually.

everybody(except me): yeh lo, bas shakeel ki hi kami thi

class gets over n everybody is thinking yippy weekend, RAM running to get the slides.

me: again, the whole night...

(please don't take anybody this as personal, this is just to get u guys some fun...also when we watch tv shows in which people r making fun of actors and politicians, then we laugh on it, so just take it easily)

my first love - part-1

PART - 1
I wake up in the morning as usual abusing myself for waking up so late at 10:00. My daily plans were always to wake up at 6:00am which is impossible.

Because, now I am a M.Tech student and the workload was unbelievable. So I usually was alive fully till 5:00am. My grades were not so gud so I was always tensed, less I know that today something awesome was going to happen.

It was a beautiful morning with the rays of sun reaching my room's window. I was feeling better today as compared to other days "I don't know why?"

I went for bath, waking up my frnd too for the class. He lived in front of my room, one of my best frnds.

Then my other best frnd came and we three start walking out of hostel and towards the class. We three always talk loudly passing "galiyan" to the frnds around us even during the morning. And then we entered the class. As I approached the seat, the girl that sits in front of me was already there as usual.

The seat next to me was empty. After a certain while, he enters the class and sat next to me.

Then "SHE" walks inside the class and I just had a glance. She was luking gud without knowing that this girl is going to change my world, my views about love and my decision about marriage which I have hold together for years i.e "No Marriage".

Nothing new was going on. As of my daily routine, I was sleeping in the algorithm's class because nothing was getting in my head. Also I was having some sort of feeling of hatred towards that prof "I don't know why?"

Also as usual I was staring at the "diagonal girl". And as usual "girl in front of me" and "boy that sits next to me" were discussing severely about what the prof was teaching. Then I started looking at her, she was disturbed today because she was unable to understand what the prof was teaching!! So she started a discussion with the girl that sits beside her. After a few moments of discussion she was relaxed. But now I was disturbed because I always thought that girl to be of my level means "unable to understand anything". But, later months showed me that she was really intelligent.

Then as the class gets over, I went for the token in my room as usual and my friends scolding me "pta nhi log kyun token jeb mein nhi rakhte hai"

Then I came to mess, take my food and sat with my frnds and started eating the food.

Again I saw that girl, and she also glanced at me today. I feel a little delighted.

Then she started smiling and laughing "I don't know why?".

That's when the lightning struck me in my heart. I don't know what happens but it seems like the most beautiful angel from the heaven has come down to earth.
She was like pure light that could only be emitted by god's virtue. She was like the nature's beauty.

The feeling, when u r standing alone in a distant far forest and the winds starts blowing the trees and it touches your face. You feel like the best moment of your life. The sounds of leaves scratching each other, and the birds chirping, the river flowing and the smell of white lotus comes into your nose.

The above feelings comes into my senses and I was exhilirated and enthrilled by the thought of love at that moment.